NOTE: Extraordinary and yet typical stupidity on my part led me to believe that this interview had actually occurred. Fortunately, Eagle Eyes Jared notes that it did not occur at all, which really makes more sense. I’ll leave the rest of this post intact as an eternal monument to my foolishness and a reminder to myself to read things more carefully.
If for no other reason than it being very interesting, you might want to read Charlie Sheen’s interview with Barack Obama. It seems that Charlie Sheen wrangled a 20-minute chat to discuss the World Trade Center attacks. Some of our younger readers may not be aware, but several years ago, on the anniversary of Pinochet’s coup in Chile, some planes were flown into some buildings in New York City. It caused quite an uproar at the time, and arguably set the US down the path to invading Afghanistan, Iraq, instituting the US PATRIOT Act, setting up the camp at Guantanamo Bay, having George W. Bush re-elected and peripherally giving rise to mediocre sitcom The War at Home.
PBO – Mr. Sheen, I’m having a difficult time sitting here and listening to you draw distorted parallels between the Bush/Cheney regime and mine.
CS – Mr. President the parallels are not distorted just because you say they are. Let’s stick to the facts. You promised to abolish the Patriot Act and then voted to re-authorize it. You pledged to end warrantless wire tapping against the American people and now energetically defend it. You decried the practice of rendition and now continue it. You promised over and over again on the campaign trail, that you would end the practice of indefinite detention and instead, you have expanded it to permanent detention of “detainees” without trial. This far exceeds the outrages of the former administration. Call me crazy Mr. President, but is this not your record?
PBO – Mr. Sheen, my staff and I authorized this interview based on your request to discuss 9/11 and deliver some additional information you’re convinced I’d not previously reviewed. Call me crazy, But it appears as though you’ve blindly wandered off topic.
CS – Sir, the examples I just illustrated are a direct result of 9/11.
PBO – And I’m telling you that we must move forward, we must endure through these dangerous and politically challenging years ahead.
CS – Mr. President, we cannot move forward with a bottomless warren of unanswered questions surrounding that day and its aftermath.
I can’t honestly say I’ve done enough research on the matter of the circumstances of 9/11 (or 11/9 if you’re in New Zealand… well, really 12/9) to be able to state any particular opinion. I tend to agree with Chomsky that “truthers” are misdirecting energies that could otherwise be put into more pressing and practical concerns, but people get something into their head and they don’t let it go – look at the “birthers”.
I find the interview interesting for the following reasons, and I hope you enjoy it.
- Obama agreed to it. Crikey.
- Charlie Sheen is clearly his father’s son.
- It’s published on (and apparently for) Infowars.com.
- Sheen is well prepared and wasted as few of his 20 minutes as possible.
Ryan Sproull is a freelance writer and creative,
a champagne anarchist, was editor of Craccum in '06, and is really quite an awful fellow. 
He didn't actually talk to Obama, it was written in that way as noted at the end
"Author’s Note: What you have just read didn’t actually happen… yet.
This is an open letter to the President requesting a new investigation.
Charlie Sheen."
Ah, fu… I mean…
Congratulations, Jared. You have passed the test. It was a hard test, and you are to be commended for your achievement.
(Post amended/prefaced in light of new evidence/evidence that was there all along and I'm just a bit stupid.)